As some of you know, I’m a Round 8 TCG Fox Fellow! (for info on the Fox Fellowship, click here. The lovely and wildly talented Mia Tagano suggested I start a blog- so here goes! I’ve never blogged before, but what the hell! Let’s see if I can keep this thing going. 🙂
So, the first lesson I’ve learned so far is a big one: Do the thing for its own sake- fully and with no mind toward the outcome.
I had heard about the Fox Fellowship a while back. I wanted to apply but didn’t think I was a viable candidate. There are hundreds of applicants per round, and the recipients are often Broadway vets. What chance did I stand? Earlier this year, my best friend Des sent me the application link and encouraged me to apply. I went through the gamut in my head: There’s no way I can get this, I’m in rehearsal- I don’t have time to write it, blah blah BLAH.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the process of auditioning lately, and how a great audition shouldn’t be about trying to get the role, but about throwing yourself into the experience and walking away with the sense that you gave it everything for the sake of connecting fully to that moment. So I just decided to fuck the odds and write the thing for me. Just throw myself completely into it, do to satisfy my desire to do it, and enjoy the process, rather than worry about some fantasy product I may or may not get. So I wrote first thing in the morning, on rehearsal breaks, after rehearsal until 2 in the morning. I wrote and rewrote until what I had on those pages was the closest, most meaningful way I could express myself as an artist, and what I wanted to do to through my art. And after I submitted it, I forgot it. Like I’m learning to do with auditions (still learning).
Then, I got it. Who knew?? I’m still shocked that it actually happened. But the cool thing is, I’d still be proud of myself for writing it, regardless of whether I got it or not. I think I’m going to keep living my life this way. Feels pretty nice.